Friday-Jan 29 2010

"Woman is like four seasons"

(Wee,2010)

It's raining at night. We went for dinner when the rain stops. Nothing much happened today. I tried to chat with 'her' through MSN but she didn't reply me. Maybe 'she' was busy. Or 'she' was avoiding me. It was hard to truly understand another person's thought,especially woman. As though it changes like four seasons. Sometime they will be close to you and makes you feel warm but sometime they will be mean to you and makes you feel sad. I guess I can't do much besides stop thinking about it. Good night.z.z.Z

Thursday-Jan 28 2010

"Love me when I less deserve it,because it's when I need it most"

Today we went for jogging in the morning. We jogged to Kampar Old Town. We ate breakfast before we went back. It's an exhausting and interesting experience. I took a short nap after we reached home. Later we went to seek our academic adviser. Today, our class ends at 8pm. When the class ends, we went for a meeting. We felt really hungry. Therefore, after the meeting we went to "Go Gossip" for dinner. The food was quite nice but I was unsatisfied with the service provided. After dinner, we went to discuss our assignment and later we went back to our house. I felt so tired because we ran here and there for a whole day long. Good night.z.z.Z

Wednesday-Jan 27 2010

"We should live our life to the maximum"
(Wee,2010)

Today, we were invited to attend a public speaking competition's. During the event, the champion of each category are given the opportunity to deliver their bombastic speeches. Later, we went to the footprint photo exhibition again. But, this time we saw a photo that looks like one of my friend. When we finished laughing about the photo, we went to our lecture class. We were late for about half and hour. Today we learned about Freud's biography. It was raining when we are on our way back home. I saw a beautiful rainbow and took a picture of it even though it looks blurred. After dinner, we discuss about our assignment. We came out with a lot of crazy and funny ideas. It's really fun when we did assignment together. It made up my day. I guess that's all for today. I hope that the fun will continue on tomorrow. Good night.z.z.Z

Wednesday-Jan 27 2010

"Different people have different view"
(Wee,2010)

Today I woke up at 12pm. About 2.30pm, we went to LFK for lunch. It's going to rain soon. We went to a photo exhibition in our campus. There are a lots of magnificent photos in the exhibition. I came across a photo that attracts me the most. Therefore, I decided to take a picture of it. We attended development trend in Malaysia. The class is quite fun and the lecturer was able to convince us about the contribution of develop mentalist state beside entertained us with his jokes. After class, we went to Lam Kee for dinner. Later we went to discuss our assignment. As usual, we spent most of the time chatting rather than doing assignment. While chatting, I got to know that 'she' was coming back to Kampar on Thursday. That's mean I can see 'her' the day after tomorrow. In addition, our PTPTN loan was out today. I felt really happy to receive two good news at a same time. It's already midnight and all of us heads home. It was raining on my way back. I was totally wet. I had to take shower again. Now, I am laying on my bed and reading an article written by Abdul Rahman Embong. Good night.z.z.Z

Monday-Jan 25 2010

"A person won't die without a lover but can't live without a friend"
(Wee,2010)

Today I have to wake up early in the morning to attend tutorial lessons. I was hoping to see 'her' in the class but it turned out to be a disappointment. 'She' was absent. I was wondering the reason 'she' didn't attend the class. 'She' was also absent in the evening class. Maybe 'her' leg haven't fully recovered. I hope that 'she' will recover soon so that I will be able to see 'her' soon. I really miss 'her'. When I am on my way back from the campus, I saw the sunset. The scenery is so amusing. At night, I am busy transferring my blog until I fallen asleep. Good night.z.z.Z

Sunday-Jan 24 2010

"Simple minded + Optimistic = Happy always"
(Wee,2010)

Today I woke up around 1pm because I slept quite late yesterday. I felt hungry and grabbed myself a bar of chocolate. I hope it can filled my stomach before dinner. On 6.30pm, we went to LFK for dinner. After dinner, Mars dropped by my house. Later, I chat with Nana through MSN. The line is so lag. There are miscommunication between me and her. She also asked me the meaning of "en en". Ha ha. For the past few days, there are problems with the Internet connection in areas around Kampar. Later, we went to ABC for supper. I wonder what 'she' is doing right now. I am kinda miss 'her'. Well it's time for bed. Maybe I will meet 'her' in my dreams. Good night.z.z.Z

Saturday-Jan 23 2010

Today we had a spaghetti party. We cooked some spaghetti, fried eggs, hot dogs and even fried spaghetti. It's quite tasty and nicer than the last time. I felt quite happy because I like to mixing around with friends and doing things together as though we are a big family. I love those kind of feelings and I wish that it will last forever. It was raining in the evening. At night, I grabbed a bar of chocolate and watched some movies. Good night.z.z.Z

Friday-Jan 22 2010

Today we woke up at 9am. Later we went to the train station and bought the 11am train ticket for 'her'. On the afternoon, I have to attend the lecture even though I felt sleepy. During the lecture, I chit chat with 'her' through SMS. It's the only way to keep me from falling asleep. After the lecture, I accompany my friend to seek our lecturer to discuss about her problems regarding the assignment. In the evening we went to play basketball. I am really exhausted. Maybe I didn't exercise for a long time. At night, the rain was drizzling. After dinner we discuss about the assignment and chit chat until wee hours. It's been a long day and it's time for me to rest. Good night.z.z.Z

Thursday-Jan 21 2010

'She' didn't attend the class today. I wonder how is 'her' condition. 'Her' ji mui told me that 'she' is going back to 'her' hometown. So, she asked me to buy the train ticket for 'her'. At night, me and my friends went to Kampar old town for dinner. We ate the famous clay pot chicken rice. It's quite tasty and also quite expensive. After dinner, we went to the train station to buy the ticket. Unfortunately, there is no midnight train and they don't want to sell the ticket for the next day to us. So, tomorrow morning we have to wake up early to buy the train ticket. Good night.z.z.Z

Wednesday-Jan 20 2010

I felt pretty exhausted today because I attended a tutorial class and 3hours of lecture. I am kinda miss 'her' because 'she' didn't went to campus today. Wish that 'she' will recover soon so that I can see 'her' always. Good night.z.z.Z

Tuesday-Jan 19 2010

I was able to chat with 'her' for quite long today. It's like the past, I mean before I confessed my love to 'her'. We used to chat happily. I felt quite happy today because it's been a while since we chat for so long. But, I felt a bit weird. I wondered whether it's a good sign or a bad sign. Maybe 'she' already "forgotten" what had happened and treated me like always,as a friend. Or 'she' likes me. Or it's just that I think too much. I guess in the mean time, I won't be able to get the answer. So, I better bury my heads inside my pillow. Good night.z.z.Z

Tuesday-Jan 19 2010

I was able to chat with 'her' for quite long today. It's like the past, I mean before I confessed my love to 'her'. We used to chat happily. I felt quite happy today because it's been a while since we chat for so long. But, I felt a bit weird. I wondered whether it's a good sign or a bad sign. Maybe 'she' already "forgotten" what had happened and treated me like always,as a friend. Or 'she' likes me. Or it's just that I think too much. I guess in the mean time, I won't be able to get the answer. So, I better bury my heads inside my pillow. Good night.z.z.Z

Monday-Jan 18 2010

Today I met 'her' at campus. We attended the same tutorial class. 'She' was sitting in front of me. Hence, it was so difficult to take my eyes off 'her'. I kept on glancing at 'her'. Not long later, 'she' accidentally injured 'her' leg. I knew the news through my friend. I felt worried about 'her'. Therefore, I visited 'her' after my dinner. I felt myself so useless because I can't do anything for 'her' but I will pray and hope that 'she' will recover soon. Take care. Good night.z.z.Z

Sunday-Jan 17 2010

Today I felt happy because I got the opportunity to see 'her'. It's been a long while since I last saw 'her'. 'She' joined us for dinner. 'She' doesn't changed much except for 'her' hair color, 'she' dyed it. It makes 'her' look even cuter. Even though we had less conversation, I still felt glad and happy to see 'her' again. Hope that I will have a sweet dreams tonight. Good night.z.z.Z

Saturday-Jan 16 2010

We woke up at 4 am because it was raining outside. Therefore, we went to the beach side to enjoy the sea breeze. It's really relaxing. We shared our sad feelings and problems. The time passed by very fast. It's already 6 in the morning. We went back to the jetty to returned the rented car. We took the earliest ferry to return to the mainland before taking a bus to Ipoh. Later, when we reached Ipoh around 9am, we switched another bus to Kampar. We ate lunch when we reached Kampar that was around 11am. After lunch, we went back to our respective houses. When I reached home, I fallen asleep and woke up at 8.30pm. Later, we went to ABC for dinner. After that we went to Fecca online to play DOTA. Lastly, we went home to rest. It's the end of the day. Good night.z.z.Z

Friday-Jan 15 2010

Today we are going to Pangkor Island. I woke up at 8.30am and went for breakfast. We started our journey at 11 am. We traveled by bicycles, buses, and ferry. We reached Pangkor Island around 3pm. We rented a car so that we can moved easily around the island. We stopped at Teluk Nipah. It's a crowded beach with a lot of foreign and local tourists. We played along the beach, swimming and taken pictures of us. We also enjoyed the beautiful scenery when the sunsets. Later we went to Restoran Pasir Bogak for dinner. We ordered seafoods and local delicacies. The foods is so delicious. After dinner, we went to cyber cafe nearby. The cyber cafe is not so crowded compared to those cyber cafe I had visited before. It's also closed at 12am. All the shop lots was closed. Therefore, we have nothing to do and slept inside the car. Good night.z.z.Z

Thursday- Jan 14 2010

Today, I went back Kampar. My parents sent me because I brought along a lot of stuff. I got a lot of cleaning to do since I left my room for a month. After all the cleaning I went out for lunch with a friend. After the lunch, I went back home to online while waiting for dinner time. We went out for dinner and planned our Pangkor Island Trip. It's been a long day and I felt very tired. So, good night.z.z.Z

Wednesday-Jan 13 2010

I am going back to Kampar tomorrow. A month had pass by. A lot of things had happened in this period of time. Many things had changed. However, I learned my lessons. We can't change the past but we can shape our own future. I decided to look forward in my life. Hope that our coming vacation will swept away those bitter feelings. I packed all my stuff into my luggage. It's time to say goodbye to my home sweet home and hello to Kampar. Oh ya. Good night.z.z.Z

Tuesday- Jan 12 2010

Today is just like any other days. Not much happened today. I just repeated my boring daily routine. It's raining in the evening.
I watched 2 movies, Ice Age 3 & The Taking of Pelham 123, using my laptop since I am so free. This movies are quite nice especially Ice Age, it's funny and humorous. The movie changed my mood a bit. But, it doesn't last for long. After the movie, I am back to my numb-self. It's just like those happy moments in our life, short and never last. In other words, it's just like a dream. After enjoying those happy moments, you have to wake up and return to yourself. I wish that I will never awake from my dreams but I realised that it will never happens. It's just a childish thoughts. We have to face the reality of this world. For the mean time, I prefer living in my sweet dreams plus now is my bed time. Good night.z.z.Z

Monday- Jan 11 2010

Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow.... (W.Shakespeare) My life seems so dull and meaningless. As though I went through my daily life as a zombie, without a soul. It's the better option compare to letting myself falling into the pool of pains and sufferings. But I failed to wrap away my feelings sometime. Today, I remembered the day when we celebrated 'her' birthday. My mind keeps on playing the moments of the event. I feels so happy when I remembered 'her' smiles and I wish that 'she' will happy always. My body feels so weak. I spend most of my holidays on my bed. Talking of bed, now I wanted to lay my soulless body on it. Good night.z.z.Z

Sunday- Jan 10 2010

I still feel a bit down today. Nothing seems to boost up my mood. So, I went to grab some chocolate. I have sweet tooth. Eating sweet things can make me happy. The chocolate is not that nice since I do not prefer milk chocolate. Its still doesn’t change my mood even though I finished the whole bar. I guess ‘she’ is the only one that can make me feels happy again. I watched One Tree Hill and learned a nice word: “Believes that your dreams will come true everyday because they do”. It’s a nice TV series. After listen to those words, I realized that I have to set a dream and believes that it will come true. But, in the mean time, ‘she’ is still my dream. Good night.z.z.Z

Saturday- Jan 09 2010

I also woke up early today because I can't sleep well yesterday. I had a nightmare. At the beginning of the dream, we are so happy together, we went dating, went to a lot of places, and do a lot of things together. The weather is so warm and the environment looks so beautiful. The dream looks so real that I can't differentiate whether it's a dream or reality. After sometime, 'she' disappeared. I went to a lot of places to find 'her'. But I failed. I can't control my feelings anymore and I cried out loudly. My surroundings suddenly turned dark as though I am in a worm hole. There was nothing. I felt scared and awaken. I felt relieved that it was just a dream. It's been a long time since I had a nightmare. Now I know that it's still better for me to see 'her' everyday in the future rather than never again. At least whenever I still miss 'her', I can still look at 'her'. It can be considered as a gift. I hope that I will have a sweet dreams rather than a nightmare tonight. Good night.z.z.Z

Friday- Jan 08 2010

Today I woke up early to checked my exam results. The results is a disappointment So to all of us. I thought 2010 will be a better year compare to 2009. But I was wrong. I still surrounded by bad lucks. I feel very sad. My mood was ruined by the results. Later I SMS 'her' to comfort 'her' . Or comfort myself. But, to my disappointment, she didn't reply me. Maybe she is still avoiding me. Maybe she is not prepared to talk to me yet. Or maybe she is busy. Or 'her' handphones out of battery. There are millions of explainations in my mind. So I waited whole day for 'her' reply. I fallen asleep.z.z.Z

Thursday- Jan 07 2010

Numb.That is how I feels now. If I have to choose between pain and numb, I would rather choose numb. I caught cold today. Maybe due to the wet weather this days. I can't do anything much beside laying on my soft and comfortable bed. I guess that I should have some rest. Good night.z.z.Z

Wednesday- Jan 06 2010

It's been raining heavily today. I am feeling quite lazy today. I just laying on my bed and reading New Moon. I love reading books. But I seldom do so in Kampar. Reading books are more interesting than watching movies because it need a lots of imagination. Besides, we can understand every action or movement of the characters in details. Now, back to the book. The story is quite touching in the beginning as shown in the movie. I almost cry. I suddenly think of 'her'. The reason that we can't get together is due to the "differences". I can't follow the story line anymore because I was distracted. So I decided to go to bed earlier. Good night.z.z.Z

Tuesday- Jan 05 2010

Day 7. It's been a long while since we chat. I really miss 'her'. Without 'her' appearance, my life seems so dull. So meaningless. Today I repeated the same daily routine: miss 'her' , eat, watch TV, play DOTA and sleep. Nothing special happens today. I remembered last time when both of us went to watch movie together, the temperature in the cinema is so low. But, I still felt warm because 'she' was sitting beside me. At that time, I felt very close to 'her'. My heart keeps on pounding rapidly. I can't focused my eyes on the big screen. I kept on thinking of 'her'. I wanted to hold 'her' hands and lean on 'her'. But, I did'nt do so. If not 'she' might be thinking that I am a pervert or something. Even though nothing happens, I still felt happy and satisfied as long as 'she' is closed to me. In adition, on that day onwards I realised that there is a gentle and soft personality inside 'her'. Really miss those days. But now I can only think of it. This is called as regression. Good night.z.z.Z

Monday- Jan 04 2010

Today is the 6th day. Now I realized what they said is truth. "The more you love a person, the more you will suffer". I am feeling sad but in the same time I am feeling happy. It's because I realized how much I loved 'her'. Just now, I saw 'her' comments in the wall event. 'She' is considering to join our trip. I will absolutely feels happy if 'she' join us but how should I face 'her'. I am still recovering and did not have enough courage and confidence to face 'her'. I am afraid that I can't control my feelings. However, it's better if I face 'her' now because later or soon I still have to face 'her'. I doesn't care much now. I will just let the GOD to decide. Good night.z.z.Z

Sunday- Jan 03 2010

My moods still the same today. Nothing seems to change much. No matter conscious or unconsciously, I will think of 'her'. I still miss 'her'. I need a lot of time to recover. Today my mum cooked porridge for dinner. While eating those porridge, I remembered our past memories. Last time when 'she' was sick, I will cooked porridge for 'her'. I still remembered 'she' hates to eat medicine a lot. 'She' said that 'she' will recovered after 'she' wake up on the next day. 'She' is really a silly pig. At that time I feels very happy. I hope that I am able to reverse the time and went back to that time. But, I realized that it's not going to happen. We will never returned to the past. We have to accept and face the truth. This is life. It's late now. I should go to bed and maybe I will see her in my dreams. Good night.z.z.Z

Saturday- Jan 02 2010

I remembered the day after the exam, I went back hometown with my friend. It was around 10am. That day is “Dong Zhi Festival”. Besides enjoying the tasty “Tang Yuan”, made by my mum nothing much happened. I felt bored and lonely. Suddenly, I remembered those sweet memories where I used to tease ‘her’ in order to attract ‘her’ attention. After that, ‘she’ will pinched or even kicked me. Wow. Even though it was really hurt but I felt happy because I gained ‘her’ attention. A little sacrifices for a bigger success. It's worthy. I miss ‘her’. I wondered what ‘she’ is doing now. I will rather let ‘her’ pinch me everyday than avoiding me so that it can lessen my pain. During the Christmas’ eve, I watched “刺陵” with my friends at the cinema. The quality of the movie is moderate only, not as exciting as I expected. The only thing I like about the movie is the words spoken by 志玲姐姐，“look at the sky so that your tears won’t fall”. Now I am doing as what she said. I looked up at the stars on the sky. When I saw those stars, gleaming and shining on the sky, I wanted to reach it and have it. But, I felt great distances between those stars and me. It was beyond my reach. So do our relationship. My tears almost dropped from my eyes. I felt very tired. Let’s called it a day shall we. Good night. z.z.Z

Saturday- Jan 02 2010

I remembered on Monday-Dec, 21 2009 I heard some noise ringing near my ears. It’s like a song and I thought that I am still dreaming. It sounded “I don’t want to be anything other than me…” Now I remembered. It’s the sound of my hand phone’s ringtone. So, I picked it up and it’s my friend who called me. He asked me whether we are going for lunch or not before we went for exam. I told him yes we will. I look at the clock and it shows 11.30am. Oh Shot. The lunch is on 12pm but I forgot to inform everyone. I quickly SMS them and went for bath. We met at Seng Yip to have our lunch. After that we all head towards our “battlefield”. There was a big crowd outside the exam hall. I saw most of them flipping through their notes. There are some of them asking their friends some questions. There are also some of them that can still make some jokes to make the atmosphere less tense. The exam questions are quite tough and I did sucks. After the exam, I straight away head home and prepare ‘her’ Christmas present. I bought a book for ‘her’. Inside the book, I had written my feelings towards ‘her’. I planned to give ‘her’ the present after dinner. In addition, I will confess my love towards ‘her’ in person. I am fully prepared to tell ‘her’ about my feelings toward her. After dinner, I head to ‘her’ house to find ‘her’. When I am on my way to ‘her’ house, my friend told me that he broke up with her girlfriend. I felt sad and sorry for him. I understand his feelings. It must been very hard for him to accept it. When I reached ‘her’ house, I SMS ‘her’ and ‘she’ told me that she is at “her” friend’s house. Therefore, I waited at ‘her’ friend’s house. After a while, I heard ‘her’ voice somewhere nearby. So, I went to find out whether is it really ‘her’. Indeed it is ‘her’, standing there and chatting with my friends. I joined in the conversation. When we finished our conversation, I gave ‘her’ my Christmas present. ‘She’ thanks me and went home. I missed a great opportunity. I did not know when this opportunity will appear again because our semester breaks starts from tomorrow. I am thinking whether the god is joking around with me or ‘she’ is not the one. This is what they called as fate. I can’t do anything about it. Later I went to SKY with a feeling of great disappointment. After that we went to ABC to eat supper and Misa’s house to play LAN game. We played until 4am and then went home. When I reached home, I packed all my things because I am going back hometown few hours later. I felt really tired and took a short nap. Good night.z.z.Z

Friday-Jan 01 2010

I remembered, the next day when I opened up my eyes and looked at the mirror, I saw a big smile on my face. I tried to remember what happened yesterday. Everything seems happening so fast. I can’t believe that I finally confessed my love towards ‘her’. I thought that it was just a dream. It is because I did not intend to tell ‘her’ about my feelings, not for now. I only hope to stay besides ‘her’ and support ‘her’ forever. It just happened in a sudden. But, it doesn’t matter now. There is no regret for my action because it’s the matter of time before I face it. Wait a second. I forget to do something important. Oh yeah. I have to start my revision since tomorrow is the exam. It’s going to be a busy day. I studied together with my friend. Few hours later, he went back and I continue my revision alone. I still have a lot of topics to go through. I guess that I am not going to finished it on time. So, I just do my best. Add oil, Leong Wee. Ha-ha. The time passed by very fast. It’s 3 am already. I felt tired and went to bed. Good night.z.z.Z

Friday- Jan 01 2010

I remembered the day, Saturday-Dec, 19 2009 where the everything started to changed. Today, everyone seems busy burying their heads inside the thick and suffocating psychotherapy books since there is only 48 hours left before the doomsday. Stressful atmosphere can be felt. I woke up in the afternoon as usual and later went out for dinner. After finished our dinner, we went to SKY a.k.a our third home. As usual, we played DOTA. Suddenly, I saw ‘her’ online and my mind was distracted. It’s nothing unusual since for the past few days, I am having insomnia and a weird “disease”. The “disease” is called love sick and can be “cure” by receiving love. It keeps on bothering me even though I tried so hard to push it aside for the mean time. I started our conversation by talking about the camp that ‘she’ joined. Suddenly, I made a brave action. I confessed my love towards ‘her’. I realized that after saying out those words, “I love you”, everything will change. Our relationship will never be the same anymore. We will either become closer or worst. At first, ‘she’ thought that I am joking around. But, after some explanation ‘she’ started to understand my meanings. ‘She’ told me that ‘she’ needs a lot of time to think about it. Therefore, I agree to give ‘her’ more space and time to think through my words even though deep inside my heart, I wanted to hear “I love you too” from ‘her’ instantly. I guess that I can’t do anything besides waiting for ‘her’ answer. Even though I still have a lot of things to share with ‘her’, I decided to end our conversation. I wanted ‘her’ to focus in ‘her’ study. I wish ‘her’ good night and heads home. Later, I had conversations with my friends. I realized that confessing through MSN is not sincere enough. So, I made up my mind. I will tell ‘her’ “I love you” in person. I wanted to show ‘her’ that my feeling towards ‘her’ is genuine and sincere. I will do it on the day after tomorrow. I look at my hand phone and the time shows 4am. Gosh. It’s been a long night. I felt relieved after told ‘her’ about my feelings. Now I can have a good nap and sweet dreams. Good nite.z.z.Z