Saturday- Mar 21 2010

It's been a while since I last updated this blog. A lot of things had happened in this period of time. Today is the 294th days we knew each other. The time passes so fast that it was almost been a year we became friends. But, things is not the same anymore. Even though, it appears that nothing changed much but actually there is a barrier dividing the both of us. Even though, our relationship seems back to normal but there is something missing. As thou there is a hole inside my heart. I felt emptiness. I am back to my cold and lonely world. When you told me that it was better for us to remain as friend, I felt sad even though I had knew the answer from the beginning. I can't explain why. Maybe I still can't let go of my feelings towards you. Maybe I still love you. Or maybe I am still hoping that you will accept me one day. I am really confused. I had mix feelings. I am totally lost. My heads going to explode and my hearts going to crush into smitherines soon. Therefore, I started to play computer games to forget about this misery. Hence, I am addicted to computer games. As if the life is meaningless. I am running away from reality. I know this is an act of a coward but what can I do? If I am sitting on my bed alone and without doing anything, I will started to think of you and i will ends up feeling sad and sometimes even wanted to cry. Sometimes, I wanted to cry so much so that I can release my emotions. But, there is a time when I felt glad, that was the time when you told me about your feelings. At least i knew how you felt. But, there are few things that you told me seems different from what i heard. I don't know whether to trust whom? In the end, I had chosen to believe you. It is because you are really important for me. But, the more i love you the more i get hurt. I am really down and sad today. Although, I smiled towards you, actually my heart was bleeding. It's hard for me being incongruence. When I took my bath, tears falling from my cheeks. I can't hold on anymore. Now, I am keeping myself busy with studies to avoid from thinking of these feelings. I have to repress these emotions for the mean time.That is the best solution for NOW. Good night.z.z.Z